She had been exercising and eating well for six weeks. She came in and asked if she could check her weight. I reluctantly said yes. I was reluctant because she had made such tremendous progress; she was consistently exercising and choosing healthier food options for six straight weeks, and I didn’t want the scale’s number to steal all of her incredible progress and joy.
I made her promise me she wouldn’t let that number bring her down. She nodded and came running over to me excited to share she had lost four pounds. I was relieved to see that four pounds was celebrated as if it were the 50 pounds she was working towards. Sometimes we can get discouraged by staring at the mountain in front of us rather than the amazing steps we’ve already taken towards the top.
It could have gone much differently. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I’ve spoken to fitness and nutrition clients over the years and told them, “You’re doing great,” knowing they had made massive progress but then heard them quickly respond back with, “yes, but I’ve only lost four pounds,” or “Well maybe, but my eating isn’t perfect yet,” or “Ya, but I’m still modifying a lot of the exercises and the scale hasn’t budged.”
I can relate; I had just set a personal lifting total record and caught five out of six of my lifts. In anyone’s book, that was a successful competition. Though I was happy with my lifting progress, the temptation to be disappointed about that missed lift was still there. When my coach said, “Great job today,” I could feel the “yes, but…” response on the tip of my tongue. I fought the urge to say it and said thanks instead.
Sometimes the progress we make isn’t the progress we were hoping for. Sometimes it takes longer than we anticipated or doesn’t go anywhere near as perfect as we had planned. Regardless of how things go, there is always a gap between where we are now and where we wish to be. Equally true is that there is also always a gap between where we are now and how far we’ve come. They say the happiest people are the ones who choose to measure back rather than forward.
It makes sense; if we appreciate how far we’ve come rather than only focus on how far we have left to go, we’ll be less frustrated that we aren’t there yet and more grateful that we’re getting closer. This perspective shift is scientifically proven to be the credit for many people achieving success and happiness in life.
It was 11 years ago when I first heard about the gap principle. At the time I was either too impatient or too young, perhaps both, to appreciate its value. I was sitting in a boardroom while a colleague of mine shared how this incredible principle had changed his life and made him less of a perfectionist and an all-around much happier person. He likely shared it because he was staring across from a familiar face – it takes one to know one.
The problem was me; I wasn’t aware of my own perfectionist tendencies, so I easily dismissed the information I absolutely needed to hear. Fast forward 11 years and the good news is that I’ve made some massive progress, thankfully. I recently read The Gap and The Gain (an excellent read of you’re looking for your next book) and it reminded me of this principle.
This time I was ready to hear about it and fully aware of my own shortcomings. What I’ve learned is that the temptation to focus on the missed lift will always exist. It’s in our nature to want things to go perfectly and to want to close the gap between where we are and where we wish to be.
What I also learned is that if we can look back at our progress, celebrate with gratitude the leaps and bounds we’ve made, and be proud of every step forward – no matter how small – we’ll not only be happier, we’ll actually reach our goals much quicker than we would if we were always beating ourselves up for not being “there” yet.
So, how do we shift our focus? We put the reps in. We take the time to look back as often as we can and focus on all the improvements we’ve made; hurdles we’ve overcome, and brave steps we’ve taken. We feel the urge to say, “yes, but…” and then instead, we choose to celebrate how far we have come and smile big knowing we’ve made progress.
The missed lift will always be there but so will the five caught ones, and the one I choose to look at is the one that will determine and dictate my outcome in the future and my current state of mind. I would much rather celebrate than beat myself up for not being perfect.
The takeaway? Look back to go forward. It’ll get you there faster and happier – and you deserve both.
***
This is a monthly opinion piece; Alison Brown is a local business owner, mother and published author.
