Dear Editor:
Well, that was quick.
In true Bruce County fashion, South Bruce Council gave a big ol’ “hell no” to the very idea of a 15-Minute City. Didn’t even need a minute of debate. Why waste time talking about walkable communities, reduced traffic, local services, or (God forbid) planning? That sounds dangerously close to urban thinking — and we can’t have any of that stinking up our tractor fuel.
Let’s be clear: the 15-Minute City is a terrifying urban conspiracy. A place where people can walk or bike to work, the store, the school, and maybe even a bakery that isn’t attached to a gas station. Pure lunacy! What next? Public benches that don’t smell like diesel?
Thank heavens Brockton had the foresight to oppose this madness, and thank even bigger heavens that South Bruce passed the resolution without a single question. That’s the kind of governance we love: uninformed, unchallenged, and utterly allergic to nuance. Bravo.
And speaking of allergic reactions, let’s talk about wind and solar farms. Nothing riles up the countryside faster than a spinning turbine or a patch of photovoltaic panels. Because let’s face it: Bruce County already has the best kind of energy – nuclear, baby. Giant concrete domes humming with the sweet scent of isotopes and national security. Never mind the 60,000 years of waste we can’t quite get rid of – at least it’s quiet.
Solar farm? Sheep grazing under panels? Pfft. Sounds like some vegan agenda from downtown Toronto. South Bruce didn’t need discussion there either – we all know sunlight is unreliable and sheep are suspiciously French-looking when you squint.
Look, the real problem with these green ideas is that they threaten the rural status quo. You know, the one where everything’s 45 minutes away by pickup truck, and the only thing closer than the liquor store is your neighbour’s septic smell in August.
So let’s be proud of our record, South Bruce. We reject planning. We reject wind. We reject solar. If it didn’t come out of a reactor or a Deere dealership, we don’t want it. Who needs sustainability when you’ve got stubbornness?
Remember: we’re not here to solve problems. We’re here to vote them down in under a minute and go for coffee.
David Wood, Mildmay
