My middle son is a skilled soccer player. His love for the game coupled with some very impressive ball skills makes him a joy to watch. He’s nine and so much better at soccer than me, that I often find myself watching and learning.
Last Sunday I watched and learned the dangers of wanting everything to be perfect. I’ve heard the expression, ‘perfection is the enemy of progress,’ but it wasn’t until I witnessed it in the literal sense that it actually sunk in for me.
My son has been playing soccer in the city for a few weeks now. The first week, the coach placed him with a group of kids his age. He loved every second of it because the circumstances for his success were perfect. He was getting the ball around them and scoring goals with ease. He was loving every second of it.
The coach saw that his skill level needed challenging, so the next week he moved my son up to the older and more skilled group of players. It only took a few minutes to see two things; one, he was frustrated by the relocation because the group he was now with was much more difficult to play against, and two, this new challenge would be very good for his growth and development.
What Graham and I know is this – the only way he gets better than he already is, is by facing a group of kids that force him to grow and learn. If it’s easy and perfect, he just won’t get better.
Our son didn’t quite see things the way we did. In fact, he was mad. When he got into the car, he threw his soccer shoes down on the floor and angrily announced, “I’m never playing soccer again!”
You could have honestly interpreted his words this way: “If I’m not perfect at it and it’s not easy, I don’t want to do it.”
Though I absolutely had compassion for his frustration, I let him sit in it for a while because last year when I went back to school for counselling, I learned something amazing and valuable; rescuing people from their pain or struggle too soon, prevents them from getting the lesson they need to get from that pain. It’s important that people come to their own realizations rather than having others force theirs upon them.
As I watched him cry over how hard soccer just became, and beg us to ask the coach to move him back to play with the first group of kids, I realized something – we all want to be allowed back to our comfort zone.
In time, as we move forward in the discomfort, we develop a brand-new capacity and we grow and learn and become a wiser and stronger version of ourselves. Without the discomfort, the growth would never take place.
We gave our son time to cool down and then, when he was ready to learn, we explained this very thing to him. Graham and I both celebrated how much of a compliment it was to be moved up to an older group of players. We did our best to show our son that things getting harder doesn’t mean we just give up or believe that somehow, we are horrible at soccer, it means we rise up to face the challenge head on and believe that we are good enough to tackle it, even if it’s hard.
If it isn’t perfect right now, you’ve still got to try. If you sit and wait for ease, you won’t make progress. If you give up, you’ll never get better. Like it or not, the only way to get better is to embrace the challenge you are facing and trust that as you go through it, you’ll also grow through it. Coming out the other side of whatever you’re up against will always make you better, but sitting down and throwing in the towel never will.
So many people wait for the perfect circumstances in order to step forward and try to make progress, but the exact opposite is true; progress happens when things aren’t perfect, but you move forward anyways. Progress occurs when things aren’t easy, but you try your best anyways. Success comes when things aren’t ideal or the way you would like them to be, but you decide to show up and simply, try. If we wait for perfection, we’ll always be waiting. If we step into imperfect circumstances, we’ll always come out better.
I love it when people tell me they are getting ready to join the gym. It gives me an opportunity to be honest and tell them that’s just a delay tactic. You join the gym to get ready, it’s not the other way around. The gym gets you ready. The only way you’ll get in shape is by showing up, facing the hard workout head on, scaling it appropriately, and doing your best. Starting, even if it’s hard, is the only way to get better.
Perfection and comfort truly are the enemy of progress. So if it isn’t perfect, I say do it, because just like it did for our son (he scored a goal last week against the harder group!), it’ll make you better.
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This is a monthly opinion piece; Alison Brown is a local business owner, mother and published author.
