Is it “aging” or “ageing?”
That all depends whether you use the European spelling (with an “e”) or the North American spelling (without the “e”). Either way, regardless of where you are from, at some stage of your life you will be branded as “old.”
If you live in a “Blue Zone” – a region of the world where people are claimed to live, or have recently lived, longer than average – you will not be branded as ‘old’ until you are 100 years of age. Wouldn’t that be great?
I’m now 84, so I am allowed to call myself “aged” or, what I really am, is “old and aged.” It really depends what you think. My mind thinks I’m young, but my body is rapidly becoming aged. Such is the reality of life.
With all this hot weather, it is difficult for me to get through the day. My wife has gone golfing now and left me to catch up on the gardening. I can’t play golf anyways because my autoimmune disease is causing my legs to be too weak to allow me to keep my balance. My old age also keeps me from a lot of gardening and maintaining my balance. Some “aged” gentlemen can bend over with ease – not me.
The other day, I was out for a walk and stopped to talk to a neighbour who is 95 years old.
He was picking weeds from his garden.
I was lamenting to him that I couldn’t do what he was doing and I was 11 years younger than him. But then he commented to me that he was moving to the 12th floor of an apartment (two bed, two bath), two hours away, overlooking the lake and he was going to miss his gardens and house. But it was time for him to move on, according to his kids. The view over the lake from his new apartment would be nice, but he did enjoy his gardens.
Logic says that when you and your spouse are capable to stay in your home then you may be “aged” or “old” but also capable of staying in your house. Ontario’s elder services are increasing and are quite capable of helping to look after us “old folks” and our basic needs. We don’t like being called an “old fart,” even though it can be translated as a positive comment.
Decisions, decisions, decisions.
Downsizing, our previous move, was a decision made by my spouse and I. This next decision – to move into an apartment or a long care home facility – seems to be in the hands of our kids. We don’t feel aged or old, but the kids remind us of our age and the work required to maintain our house. What is the right decision?
The point of this narrative, from my view, is when is the right time to move on to the next stage of life? In many cases, it is the children who are the determinant as to when is the time to move. Does this move benefit us or our kids? The move that the kids recommend moves us nearer them, so I do see their point of view.
In my particular case, my wife and I live in a detached bungalow on the edge of a golf course. The result of the last decision to downsize. It is almost perfect. However, age is creeping up on us. My medical issues are increasing and the load of maintaining our house is falling more and more on my wife, who is seven years younger than I. We have discussed the next move, and at our current age, I think that the next move will be in three or four years. This move will be to a townhouse or apartment where others will do most of the work. It will also be closer to our kids. Probably the “right” move.
I must point out that this move may not be unanimous. However, “compromise is best.”
In our first stage of life (Stage 1 – Youth), from birth until 25 years of age, we most often follow the direction our parents give us. For the last stage of life (Stage 4 – Aged), from age 75-100 (if we make it), our lifestyle decisions should be mutual decisions with our kids. I have always been a 10%er – independent. My spouse may not agree with me. But, by Stage 4 of our life we have learned to compromise. After all, a good life is about compromise.
As Stage 4 life moves along, I must remember my own words, “compromise is best.”
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Bob Murray is retired from the graphic communication (printing) industry and has been living in Seaforth since 2015. Murray was diagnosed with Dementia in 2013 and works hard to stop the progress of the disease. Follow him on his blog entitled Voyage with Dementia – https://myvoyage553264702.wordpress.com.
