The second half of my life started by returning from Vancouver to work with Murray Printing, as expected. I started out in a research and development capacity. After a few years of that, I was appointed as superintendent over 200 people – three departments and three different unions. This was a new position for me – being in charge of a large number of people. As it turned out, I was not a good superintendent and only last one year.
Obviously, people management was not my strength. Basically, I was not capable of listening and correcting. I ended up with two of my departments revolting by my attempt at leadership. Most of my life, I had my way and my people skills were poorly developed.
It was time to move on. Sales would fit me and I was then moved onto a sales representative position. This was more up my alley and I both succeeded and enjoyed the sales function. There were approximately 20 sales representatives at Murrays, all with hefty budgets. I fit felt that I fit in quite well. It took me a few years, but I did make my budget and even made the ‘Million Sales’ club. Good money and the freedom in sales was a good fit for me.
I was mistaken, I found out. New management came into the company, including a new sales manager. I was one of the five sales representatives out of 20 who were dismissed. No real reasons given. The separation fee was good for me (perhaps because I was a Murray). It was quite a shock though, because I thought my future at Murray’s was quite secure. As I was ushered out of the building, I thought “finally free at last.” I left with one year’s cheque in my pocket and a list of potential customers. Unfortunately, I was not equipped to be ‘free’ – on my own. I had a small printing services company on the side while employed at Murray’s and worked at that for a year (management knew that). This allowed me to satisfy customers that were not large enough to be filled by the large Murray’s Printing.
As I was unemployed, I did enjoy the extra time for golf, tennis and work-outs in the gym. I tried to employ my “Seven Pillars of a Good Life” to my life after realizing that I had to either ‘grow’ or ‘die.’ I no longer had a job, my marriage ended in divorce and I was alone in my recently purchased small house. Fortunately, a friend of mine recommended that I acquire services of a psychiatrist who has experience in dealing with middle-age people who are both ‘lost’ in careers and personal life. So, as I was both, I enlisted his help.
I started out with three one-hour sessions per week with my ‘shrink.’ After the first six sessions he suggested that we take a few weeks off. In this time, he asked me to get a two-sided yellow pad with red lines and a red ballpoint pen. He then asked me to write down all my thoughts – everything – over the next few weeks. When writing all my thoughts, in about two weeks, I was finished and I called for another session.
Prior to my next session, I thought that my psychiatrist would ask me about my thoughts that I had written out in much detail. Very proudly, I presented him my 16 handwritten pages, but he was not interested. Apparently, he just wanted me to create all my thoughts, which he had not pried out of me previously. From then on, our sessions were very beneficial for me. After about 10 sessions in total, I asked him how long will our sessions continue. He did not answer. In another two sessions I didn’t go back nor did I call him. I guess that I answered my question myself. Our sessions were over. I was on my own.
My life turned around, thanks to my psychiatrist. Healthwise, I had a brain scan to look for reasons for memory loss and other confusions that I was experiencing. The scan did reveal possible frontotemporal dementia or abnormal perfusion in the right temporal lobe or right basal ganglia. Later on, in 2021, I was diagnosed as amyloid and Tau positive. The business was doing well and we were able to afford 13 years of winters in Florida.
It is now 2023 and two years ago I added an autoimmune disease (dermatomyositis (DM) and melanoma cancers to my diseases. The melanoma cancers have been removed but the DMM and dementias seem to remain. I also have just published a book My Voyage with Dementia – 170 pages describing my diseased life for 62 months, month by month, from November 2017 to and including December, 2022.
But life does carry on. I have a great team of doctors supporting me as well as my caregiver, my wife.
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Bob Murray is retired from the graphic communication industry, living in Seaforth, and was diagnosed with Dementia in 2013. Follow his blog – https://myvoyage553264702.wordpress.com.
