When I was a youngster in elementary school, there was no worse feeling than opening your lunch pail and finding something you didn’t want to eat.
“Ah man, a yogurt cup?!”
At that point, I would look around the room, hoping to find something better and attempt to make a trade.
“I’ll trade you my yogurt cup for your Jos Louis.”
Persistent I was, I would usually find a deal, sending my yogurt cup to some schmuck in return for a less healthy treat.
As I look back on it now, this may be why I am shaped the way I am today… but I digress.
Now that I have kids of my own in school, one of the most painful chores (OK, that may be a bit dramatic, but I am sure other parents can relate) is having to pack lunches every day for school.
As someone who was not an overly big fan of his lunches growing up – sorry, Mom – as a parent now, I like to think that when I do pack my kids’ lunches, I pack a well-rounded and enjoyable feast.
However, according to my oldest, I have a thing or two to learn.
The other day, I was in the car with Cameron (the aforementioned oldest), Duncan (the middle child) and their friend Jack heading to an outing when the discussion of that day’s lunch at school started.
“Bruh, you should have seen the deal I made today,” said Cameron.
Yes, he said “Bruh” and yes, it drives me crazy too…
“What did you score?” asked Duncan.
“Bruh, you see, I got my lunch today and thought that Mom packed the wrong one in my bag because it had Cheez Its in it,” explained Cameron.
“Cheez Its are valuable,” Jack chimed in.
“Right! So I started with the Cheez Its and ended up with a bag of Doritos and a granola bar.”
As I mentioned earlier, I was known to make a lunch trade during my youth – and was just learning that my kids make trades – so I was interested see where this went.
The ensuing explanation of the deal was like reading the transaction history of a fourth line NHL hockey player. It was so intricate that I had to write it down when I got home.
In the first deal of the lunch hour, Cameron traded the Cheez Its to a friend in exchange for a protein bar.
“Who the heck eats protein bars in the seventh grade?” I asked.
“Hudson does,” replied Cameron.
Like a true pro, Cameron immediately flipped that protein bar to another classmate for a small bag of Doritos and one Mint Oreo cookie.
“Solid trade,” commented Duncan.
Since Cameron is not a fan of mint-flavoured foods, the Mint Oreo cookie was put on the trading block, and he was offered… a spoon.
“What the heck would you need a spoon for?” I asked.
“Let me finish!” Cameron said excitedly.
The spoon was then traded back to the same person for a fruit cup.
“How did you eat that without a spoon?” I asked.
“I’m not done!” said Cameron.
The fruit cup was then shipped to another classmate in exchange for a granola bar.
“Then what?” I asked.
“I ate the Doritos and the granola bar,” replied Cameron.
I sat there, silent.
Cameron looked at me as I continued to drive down the road in silence.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
To be honest, I wanted to tell him I was extremely impressed – he traded crackers for a granola bar and a bag of chips, after all. However, I had to tease him just a little bit.
“I think you could have gotten more for Cheez Its,” I said. “They are, after all, valuable.”
“Just keep packing those Cheez Its, and we’ll be OK,” he replied.
Now, if only Cameron could work a similar deal for the Toronto Maple Leafs and get some blueline help…
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Mike Wilson is the editor of Midwestern Newspapers. Comments and feedback are welcome at mwilson@midwesternnewspapers.com.
