In 2023 I looked for hearts. What started as a fun little picture taking adventure with my kids, end-ed with a collection of hundreds of pictures of all different kinds of hearts.
We found clouds, rocks, chips, crackers and leaves. One of the most amazing finds was when I cut off a piece of an apple and right in the middle was a perfectly heart-shaped rotten spot.
Halfway through the year I noticed more than just hearts. I noticed the more we looked for them, the more we found, and I noticed that others spotted them as well. Friends, family and even total strangers had taken pictures of heart-shaped things and, knowing I was collecting them, sent them to me.
What I learned was so much more than simply, you can find hearts everywhere. I learned that what we look for, we absolutely will find. What we choose to focus on is what we will see more of.
In fact, it’s proven. The part of our brain called the reticular activating system is always working to show us exactly what we want to see. It acts as a filter allowing in and keeping out information. If we are careful in choosing our focus, it will do its part in presenting to us more of what we are already looking for.
This is why someone car shopping sees more of the car on the road they are considering purchasing. It’s not that there are more of that type of car, it’s just that they’re noticing them everywhere be-cause their focus is on that car.
This system in our brain can be used to shape the way we see the world. Ever wonder how two people can look at the exact same glass of water and view it completely different? One says it’s half empty and the other says it’s half full; both are probably right, but only one is seeing the upside because only one has already chosen to focus on that.
Taking it beyond water, two people can look at a situation that appears to be awful or hopeless and one can see all that is horrible about it and the other can list off all of the good things amidst it. My point? The one looking for the good is the one who will see it.
As we learn more about the role of the reticular activating system in our brains, we’re discovering how the ‘glass is half empty type of people’ can, over time, actually teach their brains to look for the positive side of things and see the glass half full instead. If they wish to change and become more positive, they absolutely can.
This is a challenge I put out to all of my clients at some point during our mentoring process – to look for the good. We all need the reminder, especially when it seems as though the world is full of the opposite and when we know our mental well-being depends on having a positive, gratitude filled outlook.
To demonstrate how our RAS works to find things for us, I first have my clients look for all the white in my office. They’ll notice my paper, the walls, the words on my tapestry, the lights and the floor. Their brain will even offer up shades close to white like the beige on the lamp cover or the light grey on the painting.
Then I’ll ask them to look for the black in the room and their focus will immediately shift to all things black and darker shades. As they list them, it’s obvious the darker colours are the centre of their focus. It is then that I explain the connection between what they choose to look for and how their brain will go to work to find it for them.
The point is simple: our brains will offer our eyes exactly what we tell them to look for. With practice and attention given to focus, our brains will show us more of what we are wanting to see and less of what we aren’t. Regardless of circumstances, our focus is what ultimately determines what we see, and the good news is that we get to choose what that is.
The application is that if you’re looking for the good in people, the world, yourself or a situation, you’ll find it. Shifting our focus doesn’t equate to a denial of the existence of bad, rather it allows us to see the good amidst it.
My challenge to you in 2024 is to look for the good. When circumstances arise that are difficult, choose to shift your focus to find what is good. There’s always something to be grateful for and there is always something good to be found. Even in the hardest, most awful situations there is good, and sometimes we miss it simply because we aren’t choosing to find it.
If you are a glass is half empty type of person, the good news is that if you don’t want to be, you don’t have to be. Make 2024 the year you trained your brain to look for the good and not only will you find it, you’ll become it.
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This is a monthly opinion piece; Alison Brown is a local business owner, mother and published author.
