What if making one choice was enough to change the way you lived your life? What if this one conscious decision made all the difference in your outcome? Would you want to know what it was?
My oldest son recently discovered this one choice and when he shared what it was, I knew I had to share it too. It was far too profound and powerful to keep it to ourselves.
Over the weekend we had a proud parenting moment. Our son played a really amazing game of hockey and everyone, parents included, noted the difference in his playing.
Though it was great to see him play so well, the highlight for me wasn’t at all how he played, it was the realization he came to before he played.
This is his first year playing hockey and he’s still very much learning the game. Each week he has gotten a little better, but each week Graham and I noticed he still struggled to get involved in the play and many times, he would come home discouraged afterwards.
He would often share with us that he isn’t good at hockey and doesn’t like not being good at it when everyone else on his team is. Despite his discouragement, he always ended the conversation with the promise to keep trying.
The only dramatic change between last week’s game and this week’s game was a choice he made just before he played. It was one that despite my telling it to him, he very much had to discover its effect for himself. It was the difference maker for him and is for everyone who discovers it.
On the way home he shared his realization with us and let me tell you the truth, I really wish I had come to realize what he did when I was his age. I can imagine it would have changed so much for me. I would have lived with a freedom I’ve only recently, in the last decade, discovered.
He said, “I realized that I was just so caught up in caring what others thought about me, that I wasn’t even playing my hardest or my best because I was worried that I would mess something up. I held back because I was so nervous that if I tried harder, I would make a mistake.”
As he continued, we listened attentively, “I decided to stop caring so much about what others think of me and then I had a great game. It was that easy. From now on, I’m going to play without caring what others will think or say about me and if I make a mistake, so what – at least I tried and gave it my all.”
Imagine what we could achieve if we all lived even a tiny bit freer of what others thought or said. I don’t know for certain, but I’m guessing we wouldn’t hold ourselves back as much, we may speak up a little more often, take a few more risks, and even be brave enough to choose to follow our hearts.
I don’t know why we decide to place so much weight on the opinions of others, but I do know that it starts at a very young age. My youngest is six and even he makes comments about worrying someone will tease him if he wears a certain shirt or caring about how his hair looks.
Despite my best efforts and attempts to encourage him and all three of my boys to be who they are and follow their heart, I can see that they still have so much weight on fitting in and being liked and caring what others think of them.
Obviously, there’s a fine line and we should care about our cleanliness, presentation and kindness towards others, but when we decide not to wear something we really love, or not to do something we really love, for fear of what others will think or say or do, that’s when the line is crossed.
I’ve always admired people who live free from the opinions of others and the older I get, the better I am at doing so as well. I used to think this is a realization we arrive at as we age, and maybe that is the case, but those who make this choice early on, they are the lucky ones. They will be willing to take risks, live louder, and commit to being who they are regardless of what others say they should or shouldn’t do, and therefore, they will find freedom.
And you can too; it’s as easy as making the choice my son made. Decide to not care what others think of you and instead, give it your very best. Perhaps you’ll discover what he did – that you go so much further when you do this. Freedom is being who you were made to be, without anyone’s permission.
Choose freedom and I bet you’ll win.
***
This is a monthly opinion piece; Alison Brown is a local business owner, mother and published author.
