Set the stuff down.
“Maybe there’s nothing wrong with you at all. Maybe you’re human, trying so hard to carry a load that’s too heavy for any human to carry.”
First, I told this to a client of mine, then a colleague, then a friend and then a family member. Recently, as the calendar crept closer to the one-year mark of the loss of my father, I told it to myself too.
It’s interesting how quickly we turn on ourselves. We’re so fast to decide that if we’re struggling to keep all the balls up, we must have a deficiency of some sort, or somehow, there must be something wrong with us.
Instead of evaluating the enormity of the load we’ve been walking around trying so hard to hold up, we decide that because we’re struggling to hold it up, we must have a problem.
I’ve spoken with moms who have calendars so full there isn’t an hour left open. They’re racing through life. They’re burnt out, exhausted, and overwhelmed but they soldier on in an effort to complete these tasks. Then they wonder if they’re depressed or anxious or suffer from insomnia. In some cases, they don’t wonder it at all; they know it.
I don’t negate the seriousness of these challenges but I often wonder if the problem isn’t with them at all. Maybe they’re just tired. Maybe they’ve stretched themselves too thin, overbooked their schedules, and stacked their to-dos sky high. As they struggle to keep the commitments and ensure no balls get dropped, they’ve exhausted themselves. The weight of holding everything up is a heavy one. Perhaps they’ve said yes too many times but forgotten to say yes to themselves in the process.
If this is you, and you can relate, and you’re feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, I encourage you to have a look at the giant pile of everything you’re trying so hard to be and do. Rather than deciding you’re not good enough, or that you’re deficient in some way, consider this; maybe you simply need to set all the stuff down. Maybe you need a break.
So many people came into this year on an empty tank. As the world cranked back to full gear, we’ve said yes to sports and extra curriculars, yes to birthday parties, yes to social events, yes to volunteering and yes to everything because we’ve missed the joy these bring ourselves and our children.
Don’t get me wrong, these are all good and healthy things, but equally good and healthy is rest. And perhaps, all things considered, we need a little more than usual.
The uncertainty, fear, stress and pressure has been on overdrive for two years, and when the engines revving high, and we don’t stop for gas, ultimately the car will have a forced stop.
So, this holiday season, I encourage you to rest, to breath and to re-charge. Take some down time, even if it’s just a half hour, to do nothing at all. Sleep in a few times, curl up to a good book or movie, stay in your jammies too long, sip that coffee slower. Rather than race to the next thing, simply, just be. Pause and be still.
No, this fitness gal isn’t telling you to skip out on your holiday workouts – those are imperative for your physical and mental well-being – but she is telling you to slow down a little, or perhaps a lot.
And rather than be so quick to decide that because you’re not able to hold up the giant pile, that maybe there’s something wrong with you, decide instead that maybe the pile needs to be re-evaluated. Maybe it’s too big for right now and maybe you’re human, and that could mean you simply need to set some stuff down and care for yourself too.
Just because you can’t carry it all, doesn’t mean you’re broken, it could just mean you’re human. Take a rest and you may just discover the person holding the pile is stronger when they’ve set it down.
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This is a monthly opinion piece; Alison Brown is a local business owner, mother and published author.
